One True Pairing
by Silan Haye
Summary: GENDERBEND CRACKFIC. Hanna is a closeted fangirl secretly shipping the Arendelle brothers. Elias is actually dating Jack, which makes them Hanna's biggest NOTP. Elias is an overprotective big bro, Andy is a clueless precious baby, and Hanna is a fangirl creep with enough ploys to destroy the universe. CONTAINS male!ELSAXmale!ANNA, JACK FROSTXmale!ELSA AND A BIASED FANGIRL fem!HANS.


**Summary** : Hanna is a closeted fangirl secretly shipping the Arendelle brothers. Elias is actually dating Jack, which makes them Hanna's biggest NOTP. Elias is an overprotective big bro, Andy is a clueless precious baby, and Hanna is a fangirl creep with enough ploys to destroy the universe. CONTAINS male!ELSAXmale!ANNA, JACK FROSTXmale!ELSA AND A BIASED FANGIRL fem!HANS.

**Disclaimer** : Frozen © Walt Disney Pictures. Rise of the Guardians © William Joyce, as filmed by Dream Works.

**Warnings** : slash, genderbent characters, fangirl jargons, slightly OOC fem!Hans, innuendos.

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~.~.~.~

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Weekend outings had always been a torture to Hanna.

"You've got ice cream on your cheek, Andy."

"Huh?"

It was because Elias was a mother bear of a big bro who wouldn't allow Andy goes alone with Hanna since that incident involving sled, snowy hill, and a very curious Hanna who wanted to see how fast a sled could go downwards. To her defense, Andy had volunteered himself to be the test subject, and he bounced back as good as new after eight months of routine visit to hospital anyway; but Elias still saw her like a dangerous animal that could harm his precious baby brother since. Hanna had a feeling he wouldn't entirely forgive her even after they grow up to be elderly with constant hip pain; but at least he had given Hanna permission to hang out with Andy again, even with the condition that Elias will always tag along.

Which was the source of Hanna's misery.

"Here, let me clean it."

It didn't help that Elias was very gentle and affectionate towards his brother it could have been illegal in a few countries with strict homophobic rules. And Andy was a helplessly clueless motherfucker with naivety the size of a pregnant whale, because what kind of eighteen years old boy letting their twenty-one brother wiping their face in public?! Seriously, Hanna would've screamed "get a room you two!" if it wouldn't gather her weird look from the brothers and the risk of her secret being revealed.

Andy giggled happily when Elias' handkerchief roaming on his cheeks (because he was gay like that) and stared at Elias' almost untouched bowl of ice cream. "Aren't you going to eat yours, Eli? Can I have it?"

"Sure thing, Andy. Here, aaaaaaah." AND OF COURSE HE HAD TO SCOOP AND FED IT TO ANDY LIKE A MOM FEEDING THEIR TODDLER. Which Andy gladly accept it with that cute expression on because why not torment Hanna more, right?

She had had enough of this.

"I—I need to go to the bathroom," she squeaked a bit flustered and escaped to the restroom before one of the blood veins inside her nose exploded.

Splashing cold water to her face, Hanna sighed internally while cursing whichever deities up there had granted her with gay fetish. And her guilty pleasure had to be an incestuous relationship of her childhood friends too—because (all logical explanations aside) there was no way NOTHING had happened between those two behind the protective walls of their shared bedroom: Andy stared at his brother with submissive half-lidded doe eyes when Elias' pale, long fingers trailed along his lean stomach, down the band of his ugly patterned boxer and—

_GOD FUCKING DAMMIT HANNA NOT. HERE!_ She took a calming breath while reminding herself that such inappropriate fantasy could only be done in the privacy of her bedroom, when no one could see her lewd blushing face while imagining all things that could have been done by the brothers next door.

Preferably accompanied by that topless photograph of the two Hanna managed to collect during their summer break, which gave her a perfect vision of Elias' barely-there abs, the ones that always drive Andy crazy when they stretched and contracted above him while Elias—

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…!

She let out a dying pterodactyl noise that made a poor girl who just came out from the stall jumped and scurried away while glancing at her fearfully.

"Get a grip of yourself, girlie," she hissed scoldingly, gripping the tissue in her hands so hard it started to torn in pieces. "The brothers are not gay. They are not gay. And definitely not gay to each other. It's just your stupid mind messing with you. Arendelle brothers are not gay…."

She chanted the mantra for a whole minute until her brain had managed to convince itself that Elias babying over his brother was nothing but overly platonic fondness (she stomped on the phrase 'Daddy kink' with imaginary troll feet and threw it to the deepest corner of her mind that was guarded by a horn-skinned dragon). After another minute of practicing poker face, she deemed herself ready enough to face the flamboyant bromance for the rest of their outing, and stepped out of the bathroom.

She strolled casually between the tables of the small ice cream parlor, hoping against hope that the brothers didn't do anything stupid which could make her heart gone haywire again, but then she saw something that was far** more **worse.

Huh.

So one of Arendelle brothers was** literally **gay, after all.

That was the only explanation as to why Elias was making out some with silver haired bloke, eating each other's face so intensely they might as well forget they were in an ice cream parlor with minors running around.

Andy wolfed on Elias' ice cream, a red tint on his face when he deliberately ignored the two bastards next to him.

There was a click somewhere inside Hanna's head and suddenly she felt a surge of protectiveness towards her childhood best friend.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" She heard herself growled, and Elias detached himself from the blonde jerk with naughty smirk who were so undeserving and far far less worthy than sweet, delicate, innocent, loving, entirely perfect Andy.

"Hm? Eli who is this?" The way Elias' nickname rolled out of his tongue made her wanted to punch his face. Only Andy allowed calling him that!

"Oh, this is Hanna, Andy's friend," Elias introduced casually, glancing at her unashamedly as thought he weren't just do a very improper action. "Hanna, this is Jack. My boyfriend."

The undeserving jerk (what kind of name Jack was anyway) threw her a broad charming smile, which was slightly deterred once she answered with a nasty hostile glare.

This garbage had dared to steal Elias from Andy and god help her he was going to fucking suffer because of it.

TBC

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**Footnotes** :

So I don't write Hanna as much of a bitch as she should have. Sue me. Personally I think she would have developed better characterizations if she grew up in a healthy family, without abandonment issues and lonely childhood like it is implied about Hans' past in the movie. She still have Hans' traits, which are unhealthy ambitions to have things work her way, the will to take advantage of other people for her own benefit, and she can be an absolute ass towards those she detest (cough-Jack-cough) but she lacks the sociopathic tendency and actually has HEART. Think of her as that annoying friend who constantly causes you trouble but you can't leave them behind because they're quite nice when they want to be.

Also, I think Andy and Hanna would be besties (despite Hanna taking advantage of the gullible Andy every once in awhile), because they do share similar characteristics, like it is explained in Love Is An Open Door sequence.


End file.
